Reality is boring

THE PROLOGUE OF THIS EXERCISE IS CALLED GET ME OUTTA HERE/why I don't really want to write about myself and my world without any of that pesky trying to find the beauty in the anything. We'll get to beauty eventually. There's a lot of good stuff in this world of ours real and imagined inner and outer. I wrote a character who writes some of the things I'm going to say to prove that escapism is ok and makes sense. But I'm not even sure the escapes are any good.

In "On Fairy Stories," Tolkien argues eloquently in favor of escapism.

Why should prisoners think only about the walls of their prison?

But Tolkien, why do I only ever imagine three boring things that are labeled “unimaginable wonders” with no supporting information? Prison walls are the only thing I can see with enough clarity for my seeing to be worth anything.

But prison walls are infernally difficult to get enough righter than anyone else does for it to be worth the effort in terms of ego, and I don’t care enough about prison walls to paint them for any other reason.

...instead here is white noise...

Here are some words.

expressively abusive unimpeachable reputations peachy, just peachy excoriating oneself for every last fault expressions that are not as clear as they might appear to other people the Alice-in-Wonderland approach to problem solving has its faults coffee is necessary for life beautiful snowy days all through the night the day alternates with the night in a friendly fashion automatic writing is not the goal of these pages texture of reality and of the mind applesauce unbearable lightness of being shoulda read that book afterward what is the point uppity women a bucketful of lilies symbolic resonance expendable imagery axis of evil axis mundi Evernostian embryonic elegiac alliteration allusive illusive elusions abrasive clanging on the cymbals/symbols/symbiotic relationships apropos of nothing exercise in futility exercise is good for the soul as well as the body cynicism gets you nowhere jerk Dwight Eisenhower why me allegorical wanderings hope house and home home is my castle closet alcoholic closeted gay guy again perilous gard empyrean waiting chelation music soothes the savage beast Christianity is the only true religion but what about every other religion? cosseted children inner child be good to what you see purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr clothesline coalesce into reality princesses Gotham City why keep waiting eventually patience in my heyday waste of time meta signboards neon wannabe dog painters stultifying routine horsehair sofa calisthenics for the soul dingy carpet spring runoff dunghill dung beetle never mind angioplasty liberation reduce reuse recycle swivel chair careful and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on oars there is a somewhere what is theory and fact archeological psychiatry, science wins enemies truth squirrels and birds frolic sweetly the birds and the bees i'm trying to have a conversation here, hello the world is bigger than you can imagine agony and ecstasy textbook example of who said studying once upon a time this takes forever, now and then if you want ok WHATEVER the birds and the bees control Z control Z control Z GAHHHH. spelling errors ableism -ism control Z isn't it kind of late no wait up calm down take a chill pill chill pill pillbox hat squirrel word salad sux never mind so what was he trying to get at anyway people, just...just... no you don't have to read all of this, I just had to write it kitty kitty kitty kitty no why you know there was something about this that I was missing the whole time no control z climbing Mount Everest storytellers nanny nanny boo boo dip your face in doo doo ashes ashes we all fall DOWN open sesame there was a thought but I losted it no patience pays off symbolic reasoning symbioses sun and sand where was it again YUCKY even so right come away with me hairball open sesame friend he sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake abracadabra go this way following my star odd and even square roots hell got it books and books crazy cat lady next door pseudorandom that book I want to write, I still want to write it, you know there is no moral to this book I like playing with Google suggest listen up, dudes follow the leader squawky FIRE!!@!! hypothetical statements advanced placement applications squirrel that guy next door for some reason, I'm listening to reggae apricots one-way closed for construction worryingly too many notes triage the last one home's a rotten egg no you really don't want to do this like I said, YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ ALL OF THIS YOU GET THE IDEA BY NOW nonzero answers will be punished with death oven gallows humor occasional hints of connection, human or otherwise April showers bring may flowers birdsong that one book, yeah, I really like it terminally weird spurious arguments never never land dontchyou come back no more no more no more no more hit the road Jack phrenology is archaic did you read page thirty-three like we were supposed to open windows when god closes the door he opens a window yeah…. ooh i have an idea it looks edenic out there naught but hopeless meanderings of an unsound mind corollary control Z story of my life the birds in the trees whatever is begotten born and dies amiably stupid has a following where was no I don't apple fritters, yeah dancing skeletons for Day of the Dead, heehee curly hair encyclopedic knowledge of medicine ever-expanding waves of desperation Big Bang where prolixity soporific voice job skills explan/orations expatriotic entropic tea tastes good self-improvement, always self-improvement sempiternam requiem unfair abilities appreciative audience axiomatic is a synonym for emptying the trash gets you nowhere herbal remedies tabletop warfare withered gold armchair requiem Ambien hallucinations happenstance control-Z Epstein-Barr epileptics apricots are flavorless, at least these ones are withered cable TV is overrated, like landlines unable to concentrate under the best of circumstances ergodic texts she fain would texting reduces linguistic prescriptions 6.333333333333333 hexadecimal weary old woman appetitive alimony organismal biology no breath unpredictability only lasts so long dog on a bone repeated advertisements sometimes accomplish something, but what? under armor hepatic dysfunctions imply hacking all day why are you so argumentative? aberrants should be executed or executives old and her bones alimony heart will not break swimming in the sea of implausible imponderables you surface recursively into meta and submerge again apple juice and apple cider are similar but not identical all the lonesome while accrual of interest is minimal over the next two light years happily nodding in his chair merry X-Mas perseveration was the reason he was arrested unplug and enjoy the great outdoors! capitalism is not the root of all evil unless there are bunnies dog bone give the dog a bone bunny, do you hear me, bunny!! cold like a castaway clout she is capitalization is the root of all evil altruism alleviates alimony and alliteration can you believe this, I mean, dude? christening ceremony left something to be desired she fain would make breakfast Darth Vader eats children uncomfortable truths should see the light of day expire the fire! fire expire April showers bring June bugs by the transitive property unbelievable expletive deleted no one to I am so underappreciated here April showers bring May clout what is a clout? cold as death expressively abusive cold understandably stupid unimpeachable reputations peachy, just peachy excoriating oneself for every last fault expire fire expressions that are not as clear as they might appear to other people barren moon, nothing grows there Alice-in-Wonderland approach to problem solving has its faults very cold old cold gold anear afterward what is the point cosseted children afar and anear inner child purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr coalesce into reality princesses miles and miles no stiles signboards neon wannabe dog painters hangs stultifying routine hangs in calisthenics for the soul dingy carpet spring runoff dunghill hangs in the hangs dung beetle angioplasty cold as death liberation reduce reuse recycle out in the cold careful and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on the weary moon oars POAL Fanfic that should be written: DWJ's take on Pansy! Could that have been an actual joke in Tollkien THE GIANT CENTIPEDIE IS MOVING AROUND IN MY DOOR CRACK. Brainohbrainohbrainohbrainohbrain

Let's dance to it. Whynot?*

*When escape is impossible, and even prison reality is too rigorous, y’can kinda see the beauty in the randomness or pseudorandomness generated by your brain. There’s a feeling of rightness and recognition. The stuff you make is probably not even an accurate representation of anything about you, let alone the universe it claims to represent...

Dancin'

Dancin'

Dancin'

Dancin'

Dance on canvas, dance on paper...

=

And eventually...

...your mind...

will be coaxed through reverse psychology into finding meaning.

whether it’s meaning anyone would care about other than you is another question. Maybe it’s boring (oh it’s a cat I know what cats look like) or obvious (everyone but you knew it was a cat all along)

or completely invented, like, “Yeah, there’s totally a cat in there, can’t you see it.”

But still, feel a little proud of yourself. You rediscovered the real world through chaos dancing. You can probably do it again. But let’s go another direction.

You used up only half your paint but all of your energy painting something real and now you wanna do something else...

oh hai actually I damage your categories because I was real but I look demonic!

Make a woman the way your hand wants to make her. She’s wearing green like a fairy priestess. She’s letting loose something yellow like freedom or sunlight or ideas.

You (actually me): boooooooooooring.

So I’ll give definition to the yellow and make it insect fairy birds. Besides, despite her robes, the woman looks more like some random woman than a fairy priestess. Let’s name her Pat and say she’s an artist in her forties who’s anxiously watching her ideas take flight to enliven the world. And she has a fake Celtic thing going because she secretly wants to be a fairy priestess.

but maybe, just maybe, with enough more detail, if I can increase the realism while keeping the pizazz, this would be something interesting, even if the basic concept is kinda trite? Maybe it’s the kind of trite that has truth in it?
At any rate, I’ll keep Pat in mind because she is an artist too, and perhaps the fairy bird insects will mature into worthwhile, deep, wild, interesting ideas that really will enliven the world...

What’s the magic ingredient, then, that makes something other than generic crap (NOOOOOOOO I like fairy insects they are not generic surely???????) Is it LURVE??????? No it is patience. Or haaard work. Or whatever you want to call sustained intellectual effort in any direction. Maybe that’s love? Maybe intellectual effort is a form of love?

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

LOVE

Love makes the world go round or something